I have recently been more and more wary of contracting back into my small "I" and sometimes when I see others do it I think (almost jealously) "now you have an opportunity to really observe yourself". I was confronted with this opportunity myself today when someone I knew belittled me in front of a crowd of people.

I watched myself contract and even now several hours after the event I can feel the contraction. I am thankful to him for putting me down in front of them (so I could witness this) but I somehow can't resolve the issue with myself. I did some shadow work on it and I couldn't notice the projection. Do I belittle people? I have done so I can identify with that but I feel I can no longer trust him. How can I open my mind to compassion when I feel so obviously hurt?

There is a difference between re-identifying with an emotion or behaviour which is not attacking you, (perhaps one which is just annoying you) and one which directly undermines you.

Who is it that wants to expand?

I have noticed recently that I grew up without a voice.

The details aren't overly necessary but let's just leave it at the fact that I have one of those dysfunctional families (not particularly unique I know). So I was doing some inquiry work and noticed the rise in anger and resentment I hold towards my father for never being there. I was given no voice. The infrequent visits taken to a restaurant where I was sat in the corner waiting for the occasional word or snidy comment. I don't think it was intentional. My father has his own power issues too but by bringing awareness to this I can hopefully re-empower myself.

I had a further insight - a father figure is a benchmark in many ways, how a man should act, how a man should treat a woman, and how authority should be treated. It occurred to me that in a functioning family, a child has the opportunity to understand that mechanism of authority, can practise fighting against it, see the dynamic and come to terms with it.

When that opportunity is denied, just through an absence, the power structure can never be tested and the child can grow into an adult, unskilled and ill-equipped to deal with authority.

While I was doing inquiry, the power chakra was pulsating in a way i had not noticed before but it again gave way to anxiety. More work to be done methinks ... peace to all